And now for some introspection...

Well, this is all Nick's fault. I'm not sure what "this" is, but it's whatever follows... this. We were talking the other day, and I don't remember where or why, about introspection. I came to the conclusion that I am a stinky introspector. I'm working on thinking of a topic of introspection right now. Whatever I come up with though, will be basically uncensored, so don't be surprised by anything you read. Some of you wouldn't be anyway, but some would, so just thought I'd give you a fair warning. Okay, the topic of introspection is love. It comes from a worksheet at church last night. I never answered this question, cuz I couldn't figure out the answer:
Number the five areas, ranking them from 1-5 on who is the easiest to love.
---mother
---siblings
---father
---God
---best friend
Now, it would be really easy to answer this with a Sunday School answer and walk away, still feeling great about yourself, but it's not that simple. At first, I answered 2 to the top three, 3 for the fourth, and 1 for the last. I have a weird relationship with most of my family, at least compared to the examples I see, like the Hicks and the Tophams, and all the others. Yeah, I love them, but is it just because they're my family? Would I love them if I didn't have a reason, or if I just met them on the street? So you kinda see where I'm coming from. That was all a little off-track, but it's where my mind went.
I answered 1 to best friend. A lot of people don't understand how important they are to me. I'm not big on expressing it, and so I don't usually. It's so simple, though, to love those people who know your deepest secrets and still love you back. There are people who really know me, and should hate me for what they know, but they don't. That, to me, is a best friend. I"m sorry if you're all getting lost in this, but it's hard for me to be this open, but that was the purpose of this thing in the first place. To let more than a couple people really know me. Now I'm questioning that, but I'm not gonna be a chicken.
Anyway, my point in all that was that it's easy to love people you're supposed to love, and it's easy to love people who love you back. The question remains though, why it's not so easy to love God. I think if all of us are honest with ourselves, we'd come out with a list similar to mine, though maybe more specific on the family part. I could go into that, but then this would be like 5 pages long. Anyway, if we really look, it's a lot harder to love someone we can't see. It comes down to that, in a nutshell, but there's a lot more to it really.
We are a society of instant gratification. We want to see results now, not 5 minutes from now, let alone years from now. I am no different. In fact, I might be one of the worst. I expect things to happen overnight that are not intended to happen overnight. Instantly is not the way God usually tends to work. His answers take hours, days, months, years, lifetimes. It's so easy to love people who are willing to do things for you. Family, friends, even the kindest strangers. They're all tangible, and they're in the here and now. How easy is it though, to love what you can't see, or hear, or touch, or taste? You can't say you love fried squid if you've never tried it. You can't say you love Relient K if you've never heard them. How is it then, that we can love a God we can't detect with our senses?
From what I've learned, it's not easy. It's sometimes, well, I'd like to say impossible, but it's my turn to play eternal optimist, and say extremely difficult. I'm figuring out the answer to this question as I go, I want to add. If it doesn't make sense, I'm sorry, I tried. Anyway, it's almost impossible to love something so far from what we can get the feeble fingers of our minds wrapped around. I'm getting stuck here, but hopefully I'll work my way out of it soon.
Okay. I left for a while, and I"m back, hopefully with some new inspiration. I was thinking while I was away, that my continuing theme here seems to be that it's easy to love those who love you. If so, why does it seem harder for me to love God than people? I guess for the multitude of reasons I've already stated: I can't see him, I can't see the results of my efforts and my prayers quickly enough to suit, and I guess basically I take the things around me that are really so great for granted.
In conclusion, yes, we're finally here, I think that for me personally, it's easiest to love those who not only love me, but are also tangible. I suppose that shows a lack of faith, but one we can all relate to at one time or another. For me, it's easiest to love the people I'm closest to and the people I'm "supposed" to love, even though it is still my choice to love them, don't get me wrong. Though God is the most loving of me and most accepting of who I am, however pitiful that might be, he is the most difficult for me to love back because my human desire for substance and gratification isn't fulfilled. To put it simply, which I should have done a long time ago, it's too easy for me to pretend he isn't there. I think basically I've said all I intended to say, though I never really knew what my intensions were. Sorry it's long and boring and confusing, but I have more answers now than I did before I wrote it. Thanks for listening in, and I love all of you who love me. As for those who don't, I'm working on that... :) See you soon...