Blah...

Ok, so I'm supposedely doing homework... I'm getting there. I just wasn't having any luck yet. I'm either depressed, frustrated, or mad, and I'm not sure which. Maybe all. Don't know why either.

I've decided I'm kinda messed up. Not in the sense that one would usually think of messed up, but whatever. I'm frustrated with myself anyway. I'm right back to doing the same old things I used to do. I thought I had gotten better. I thought I was getting more positive, more... whatever, but evidently not. All of that sounds totally different than what I really mean, but oh well.

I've also decided that I'm going to be one of those people who spends my whole life preparing to live, and then at the end I'm going to realize I missed it all.

What is really living anyway? I'm gonna figure that one out too late too. One day I'll finally figure out what the purpose of all this really was, but it's gonna be too late to do anything about it. Save it, I've heard all the cliched answers. They may be totally right, but there's ground that needs covered between here and there, and I evidently can't find it.

Sorry, anybody who actually reads this should ignore it. I probably shouldn't post it, but I'm sure I will. I don't feel like I've accomplished anything until I do. I guess it's one of those things I want read, but then again I don't. Maybe I figure that if anybody actually understands this, they deserve to read it. I don't know. Sorry again... bye.

Because I have nothing intelligent to say...

Your Hair Should Be Purple

Intense, thoughtful, and unconventional.You're always philosophizing and inspiring others with your insights.

What's" Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

Cheese Pizza

Traditional and comforting.You focus on living a quality life.You're not easily impressed with novelty.Yet, you easily impress others.

What's" Your Pizza Personality?

What a week...

And it's only Monday. Okay, so today was unusually depressing, though I'm not incredibly depressed like I was the other day. I'm more introspective I suppose.

When I got to my first music class today, the mood was obviously very different. I knew then that Brenda was definetly right. So, I heard the same depressing story 2 or 3 times today. It's really sad to me that someone so young would die from a heart attack. The saddest part, however, is that his 11-month-old daughter will never know her daddy.

Next, I heard about Michelle this afternoon. Again, it's sad that someone so young had to die of natural causes. It's just not fair. I know, life's not fair. Neither is death. Again the saddest part is that the kids who had already been through so much, now have to deal with more.

I know that good will come of both of these circumstances, but right now it's just about impossible to look at that.

Life is scary, I've decided. We talked about what we thought heaven would be like a week or so ago, and I said I thought the best part would be that we didn't have to worry about losing the ones we love... I still think that. My biggest fear is losing one of you.

So what???

Yes, I know it's time for an update, but I haven't for several reasons... okay, really just cuz I haven't really had time, and I haven't (and still don't) have anything to write about.

Tonight's not a good night for this either, cuz I'm somewhat depressed for absolutely no reason. General frustrations I guess.

K, so it's now like, 15 minutes later, and I've decided I'm lonely, not depressed, and bored.

Now it's like 15 minutes after that, and I don't feel like posting anymore. I'm sleepy. I'm horrible at this. Yay... I don't have to get up so early tomorrow... it'll actually be light outside. I hate getting up in the dark. It's so much harder than getting up early when it's light.

Ha, this song just put me in a better mood, though still not exactly great... I'm not sure why. So far all the rest have served to further depress me with their direct applications. The shadow proves the sunshine... very true.

I have no idea why I'm in this mood. Someone, and at the moment I don't remember who, would call it a "funk." I can't remember where that came from. A movie, maybe?

Anyway, I'm still really sleepy. I'm thinking I might go to bed here in a few minutes. I probly should. There are lots of things I should do though... like practice for the keyboard test I have to take tomorrow, and write the ARP that's due Tuesday, but I'm not going to do any of that. Hey, at least I don't have to worry about working so much I won't have time to do homework... I have 4 and a half hours next week. I don't go in til next Saturday... 9 days. Needless to say I'm a little ticked. How's Dowd's lookin' Barb? :) (seriously).

Well, okay, I don't have anything useful to say... wait, you've already figured that out. Night, and watch out for when the world caves in... sorry.